


Sometime Around Midnight

by fairyminseok



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Insomnia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyminseok/pseuds/fairyminseok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> He feels more alive at night with the moon hanging above him; the cool air of night time fluttering across his bare arms and the way the darkness surrounds him in a way that feels like home. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometime Around Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a kind of experiment to see if I could pace and write something like a dream! I hope it worked hahah~  
> Kind of Jongdae centric over luchen ^^

Sleep is something that fascinates Jongdae.

Not because he likes to nap, or because he's interested in the science behind it; Jongdae just often finds himself lacking it. Eyes wide open in the darkest of hours to trace the shadows that flow across the ceiling with every headlight of a car that goes by outside.

There are some nights where he tries his best to sleep, closes his eyes and tucks his arms underneath his pillow, comfortable and safe, but it's only a matter of time before his eyes are snapping open again.

Most nights, Jongdae wanders. Around his quiet neighbourhood and across the bridge to downtown where he watches the night markets, enjoys the sounds and the people but never enters. There are some nights where Jongdae doesn't mind that he's an incurable insomniac, when the neon lights go fuzzy around the edges and life echoes its way through the corners of Jongdae's mind.

He feels more alive at night with the moon hanging above him; the cool air of night time fluttering across his bare arms and the way the darkness surrounds him in a way that feels like home. There's a certain laziness to 3AM, a kind of feeling that has one twirling through the streets and skipping across curbs, like being high without use of any drugs.

Other nights, the lights flash too bright and the silence of 3AM engulfs Jongdae and attempts to drown him. When the heaviness of darkness toes the line between overtired and shutting down.

Regardless of what kind of night it is, regardless of whether Jongdae is dancing through his thoughts or kicking at rocks in the middle of an empty street, there's a place he always ends up at. It's a kind of routine, that halfway boost of energy and the cool of a bench underneath him to make him feel like he can close his eyes, pretend that it's daylight.

A diner.

One of those twenty-four hour ones with a flickering sign and vintage designed booths, yellow painted walls and an old jukebox in the corner that no longer works. It's a bit rundown and nearly always empty aside from the stray group of drunk teenagers that stumbles in for greasy burgers, but Jongdae loves their milkshakes.

Jongdae prefers the nights when the teenagers aren't there and the shy smiling college girl that flirts with him aren't there, when he doesn't have couples, friends, people that have other people surrounding him. The girl that works the night shift is cute, is honest and dimpled, always smiles wide at him with good intentions, but Jongdae doesn't swing that way.

She makes him feel lonely, reminds him that even when someone wants his tired, emotionally empty self, it's never the right person.

Jongdae's twice as tired tonight when he pushes open the swinging doors of the diner, head spinning and mouth dry, backpack slung over his shoulder with the promise of being productive, of at least doing _something_ while his body refuses to slow down.

What greets him instead of the usual employee is an angel.

Soft-looking blonde hair, perfect, delicate features and gorgeous hands that pause in their sweeping of a broom so the owner can look up towards the door and at him, eyes deep and nearly innocent searching him up and down with surprise.

Jongdae shakes himself, blames the golden aura and halo that hangs above the boys head on his lack of sleep, on the insomniac shivers that take over his body as he quietly slips past to sit at a table, purposefully spreading his books out across the table.

"I thought students usually studied at cafes, not sketchy diners," a pretty voice says next to him, and Jongdae looks up to see the angel leaning over curiously, not a sliver of shyness in the way Jongdae's personal space is suddenly invaded.

"I'm not a student," Jongdae answers with a soft laugh, strained with the dryness of his throat. The craving for sugar and hydration is intense tonight, the air outside too warm and the sounds of the freeway stifling. "I'm a social psychologist."

"So you graduated only to still live like a student?" The boy asks, rhetorical sounding but good natured, a sly smile stretching the corners of his mouth.

He's not wrong. Jongdae may write for a journal, may coordinate studies, but he still doesn't sleep, still hides in his apartment alone, still eats sloppily and without regard for his health. Still works on deadlines at the last minute and grits his teeth at the thought of any kind of promotion up in the world.

Jongdae likes the sound of this boys voice. Feels a pang, a _need_ for interaction that hasn't struck him in a while. "I suppose," He answers dryly, pen settling across a piece of paper in a way that leaves it perfectly straight. An organized mess set out in front of him, with room for his worries and thoughts in a small space on the sleek wooden surface. "Can I get a chocolate milkshake?"

The blink Jongdae receives is confused, as if the boys forgotten he has a job, a swish of a rather ugly apron as he turns and walks to the back with a friendly nod.

Jongdae's pen sits untouched on his paper as he dwells in the empty space between his confused thoughts, the sudden need for human contact that he knows comes from a lack of it.

His milkshakes arrive with the boy sliding into the seat across from him and placing the drink directly in the empty space that doesn't have his work scattered. Jongdae glances up from his position staring at a far book in surprise. He tilts his head nervously, tugs lightly on his earlobe in confusion, smiles shyly.

"I'm working," Jongdae points out, ignoring the fact that he hasn't done anything aside from take his work out since arriving in the diner.

"So am I," the boy replies with a lopsided grin, a cute one that has Jongdae's tired heart beating just a little bit faster. He stops it before it starts to get out of hand, reminds himself that he's just attention starved, touch starved, people starved.

He should probably say yes to Minseok's offer of going to the fireworks, of taking a nice night out. Jongdae's awake all night anyways.

Maybe Minseok will let Jongdae slide across his lap like a lonely cat, give him the hug he so desperately needs.

"I'm Lu Han," the boy offers, eyes crinkling with too much energy for 3AM. Jongdae wonders if he gets enough sleep, if he curls up in his bed to ignore the day and comes bursting out at night for his lonely employment.

Lu Han sounds like a quiet harp, musical but gentle, a voice worth staying awake for.

"Jongdae."

There's a silence as Jongdae takes a sip of his milkshake, holding back a moan of delight at the taste of chocolate and happiness, the invigorating way it runs down his throat and into his veins.

"Do you like milkshakes?" He asks, just to hear Lu Han speak again, to distract himself from wondering what life would be like wrapped in those arms. _but is it those arms specifically? or just any_

"Too much sugar," Lu Han says with a look of slight disgust, but his mouth twitches as he watches Jongdae drink with a strange intensity. Jongdae stares at his eyelashes, watches the way they flutter naturally.

Beautiful.

No one else comes into the diner that night, and Jongdae feels comfortable, thirst for both milkshakes and human contact quenched by Lu Han's quiet presence sprawled out on the bench across from him.

Jongdae falls asleep for the first time in four days with the taste of something he can't quite recognize in his mouth and shining across his closed eyelids.

 

\---

 

Jongdae often wonders if there's an internal reason he's always awake. Something other than the chemicals in his body telling him that he needs to be alert, be productive, never lay down to rest and waste away hours that he could be thinking.

His mind is elsewhere as he wanders a step behind Minseok and their other friends, stares at the booths of pretty jewelry, listens to the faint sounds of jumbled music. A street festival, a bustling, happy one that happens semi annually.

Jongdae can't remember the last one he's actually gone to, can't think of anything other than the slight gnawing hunger in his stomach, the idea that maybe someone in this giant crowd of happy people will want to hug him, hold him and tell him that his thoughts aren't too loud.

"You're quiet today," Baekhyun comments, and he's shoving a bag of chips at Jongdae, smiling wide and slinging an arm around his shoulder. Jongdae leans into the touch, hums that he's always quiet, that he's not that hungry.

He takes the chips anyways, realizes how much his body has been craving salt as each one touches his tongue. The beginnings of a sad indie song play from the large speakers near them, a live band with a pretty lead singer.

The sun is a dull throb today, harsh on Jongdae's tired eyes, but the singers husky voice reaches his ears nicely, ignites a soft feeling in his chest. "I'm gonna watch for a bit," Jongdae comments to Baekhyun, settling himself down on the ledge of a garden. The edge of a crowd is the perfect place to exist, and Jongdae counts the people who have probably had a good nights sleep, who probably have someone to rest their body against each night.

Baekhyun understands, makes a comment about his girlfriend being jealous as Jongdae curls into his side like a kitchen, sliding into a drowsy trance as a band member clinks away at a tiny xylophone.

Thoughts wander to the boy from the diner, the new employee who's started giving Jongdae his milkshakes for free, sly grins and obvious vibes. But the way he melts into just about anyone's touch, just about anyone's attention has Jongdae pausing his thoughts and rewinding them.

Self honesty.

the sun sets like a dream, and Jongdae surfaces from it leaning against a bridge railing, staring at the river and the sky simultaneously. The fireworks start soon, loud, disruptive, pretty neons that make Jongdae feel that much more lonely.

He's tired, bone achingly so, and its nights like these that Jongdae wishes he wasn't tired, wishes the elusive bits of sleep wouldn't come at the worst times. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are bickering, voices loud even in the crowd that surrounds them, and Jongdae can't help the smile that plays across his lips.

It's at the same time that the echoing reminder that none of them are single slips into his mind, that he's the only one stuck in an in between of wakefulness and the confusion of wanting attention versus real need.

The fireworks are beautiful, a spectacular show of bright lights that doesn't dull the ache in Jongdae's heart, but soothes him slightly, the feel of his friends crowding for a group hug, selfies and laughter.

Jongdae is craving milkshakes and the blossoming feeling of dancing around streetlights. He yawns, rests his head on Minseok's shoulder and whines about the time, about his bed that he probably won't sleep in.

"Don't complain you're tired now and then text me at 3AM," Minseok scolds, pushing away Baekhyun as he snickers, tipsy arms finding his girlfriend in the crowd of festival goers.

Jongdae laughs, pouting at Minseok because he knows it's true, knows that he won't sleep until his body refuses to take another step.

"I guess this means you're skipping clubbing?"

Jongdae always skips clubbing.

 

\----

 

"Working during the festival, eh?" Jongdae comments as he enters the diner, familiar jingle accompanying his entrance. He's comfortable here, voice louder than usual as he calls out to Lu Han.

"It's you!" Lu Han says happily, hopping down from a counter he's been lounging on in a very unprofessional way to greet Jongdae, smile bright and genuine.

The attention touches Jongdae in a way that's different from the hugs and smiles and laughter of his friends. He can see that now here, after too much socialization, after being so tired he can barely breathe.

"Milkshake?" Lu Han asks as he joins Jongdae in a booth, an addition to Jongdae's night time routine.

Lu Han is brighter than the neon lights and the music of the night that often fills Jongdae with longing.

"I'm too tired," Jongdae mumbles, eyelids drooping but mind stubborn.

"You don't sleep do you?" Lu Han comments, leaving his seat to sit beside Jongdae in the booth, a brave move that has Jongdae raising an eyebrow. He's only been seeing Lu Han on his nightly ventures for a few weeks now, is shocked by the sudden change in lu Han's atmosphere.

Concerned.

"Not usually," Jongdae admits, cringing with the fear of sympathy, but Lu Han just nods, places a hand on Jongdae's shoulder and looks at him.

"You're tired enough to sleep right now," Lu Han says, and he looks as confused as Jongdae feels.

"I am," Jongdae says with a well-timed yawned, itches to lean into Lu Han's warmth and sleep. "I like coming here."

"I like your company," Lu Han says with a grin, though his eyes still betray concern. "It makes this shit shift a little better."

"Why are you on the night shift?" Jongdae asks, curious.

It startles him because he's never curious, never wants to know the details of someone else.

"I needed a job to pay my student loans," Lu Han shrugs. "This was what was available."

"Maybe they should hire me here," Jongdae jokes, "Since I'm always awake anyways."

"You should sleep right now," Lu Han tells him, and the concern is back full force. Jongdae is grateful that it isn't sympathy, that it feels more real than a pitiful glance. "Just stretch out on a bench, no one will care."

"I need a pillow," Jongdae mumbles, but he's swaying now, body giving in to the days of not sleeping, of Jongdae's brain and body being overstrung.

He wakes up in Lu Han's lap just as the sun rises and Lu Han's shift ends. Jongdae itches to stay.

 

\----

 

Jongdae doesn't quite fix his sleeping schedule, doesn't quite get over his insomnia, but each night he returns to the diner for a milkshake, he finds more and more reason to stay awake anyways.

He still hasn't quite figured out the difference between attention and genuine feelings, but he reckons the two mesh together, figures a hug from Lu Han feels better than a hug from Baekhyun or Chanyeol or Minseok.

That's what matters.

And when Lu Han takes a night off from work, wanders the streets with Jongdae until the early hours when Minseok is calling Jongdae to scold him for not sleeping again, Jongdae can only smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round 1 of "A Boy and His Cat" luchen fic fest!


End file.
